"To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous."
- Elizabeth Gilbert
Is your relationship as happy and satisfying as it was in those first few blissful months? Does it seem like the communication between you breaks down more and more often? Are you bewildered that you seem to keep having the same fight/argument (or maybe you have two or three favorites) over and over, without ever reaching a solution? Or, have you just drifted apart over time—perhaps without even being aware of it—and now feel as if you don’t even know one another?
It’s true that most of us have busy lives, with work, friends, volunteering, housework, school, etc. And if you have children, your lives are that much busier. Often, in the busy-ness of our everyday lives, our partner (because we know we can count on them to be there) takes a lower priority. It’s not intentional or malicious, but when we do that to each other, over time it quietly erodes our connection to each other. Some people respond to this distanced feeling by fighting and arguing; others become more withdrawn. Either way doesn’t feel good for either of you.
Some couples just had no good examples of what a good, happy relationship looks like. So when they become a couple, they unintentionally repeat the unskillful patterns of relating they saw growing up.
Other couples I work with are in a pretty good relationship, and they just want to work on one or two things to make it even better. I also do premarital counseling with couples planning to marry. I work with all kinds of couples: gay or straight, living together or not, engaged or married.
I have seen so many couples who are baffled at how they got here, suffering with the pain of being in the relationship, rather than enjoying the connection, support, fun and love they began with, and want to get their relationship back. I truly believe that this is possible, and have seen it happen. I can help with that.